I have a mental illness and have been enjoying painting for the past 4 years, but when I am not painting, my mind is always in the dark. In that darkness, I seek, search, and seek help for light. I want to keep the happy memories of the past, but I want to forget the memories that made me sick. Everything is like two sides of a coin. Pain and pleasure, denial and affirmation, escape and challenge, emptiness and passion. Like walking on thin ice, the things that are supporting me now are gone the next moment, and I am sinking into the cold water. In such a state, I am still walking through life with painting.