Title: Anxiety
Year: 2020
Size: 61 x 74 cm.
Technique: Mixed media on paper, the paper is clued on a board with a 25 mm wooden frame.

Description:
All the keywords I have written is coming from my soul, as a frustration of my own world, we're people have been mean and selfish through my changed path, as a result of not being lucky but being born in a family were there was no love, and also as I see this happen to a lot of people. We are living in a mean world we're idiotic people are controlling and determinated people, they don't see us as humans, they don't like people, and they want us to do what they are telling us, they like to being determinating and controlling and they like to see us work more and faster. These people are in the front and have power over people because these people will always win over the good and love, they like it wild and mean, and want to rule over people, so they can get it the way they want it. I have painted the Japanese words because they are beautiful and tell something good, and I have always been fascinated of the beautiful land and how calm and nice it looks in their homes, but what you see is not always what you get. The free flying birds you can see is a symbol of freedom for me, and I have always looked at them when they fly around in the air and had a desire to be them, free and flying. You can climps a tribal face and this is also for me symbol of being yourself and live calm, liberatingly and in freedom. I have created patterns and symbols that are inspired by Tribal Art, these things i consider to be beautiful and done in a good sense, therefor I have it in my artwork. The small fish is in my world a symbol of sweetness and goodness, because when humans are sweet then they are always honest, empathetic, loving and understanding towards other people and want them well no matter what.
I have painted the painting because when I was a happy kid as 2-3 years, I was kissing with girls who were living next door, I went home smiling and told my father I was kissing with this girl, he was smiling, but he could see in my eyes dreams, that he had not experienced, as I do, and he could feel that I could see in her eyes that he was not satisfied and living his dreams, so he didn't like it, he began treating me like his father did, by yelling at me in front of other people, and treated me very hard, and no matter what i do or say, it was not good enough, and i was crying and alone, nobody was helping me, they were all scared of him, he was changing me to a kid with social anxiety, i was not myself, i was now standing 10 feet away from the girl, because he has changed my subconscious mind, because of what he did to me I have through my life been scared of people because I have a believe that if I begin talking or doing something I will get punished, but if I was quiet and do nothing because I was scared, people will noticed it and not like it, they will think I am boring or strange and begin being evil to me, they will begin bullying and judged me in front of the group. I figured out if I was quiet at home with my family i could survive, without being humiliated by them, and in a group I could begin being funny and talk, even if I was scared and sad, that way I could survive and not being humiliated by them again, but it was hard and the result of trying to survive every day because of that believe I had from my childhood and not being myself, I was getting an major depression when i was in the 30s, I didn't understand anything of what's going on in my life, there was no one to help me or tell me about life or what so ever, until I had been depressed for a while and was getting fired from a job and tired of having it like that, I finally decided to get help from a psychologist but the psychologist told me not the whole truth about what it was basically about, I have only been told after my treatment by the psychologist from a shaman that it is about him not being a loving person and therefore not wanting me to feel good and be together with women, I thought from my childhood and in all those years that I had said and done something wrong since I always got scolded, but it's basically that he didn't want me to be with women, and he's a terrible person without possessing loving qualities, he's what I want to call an idiot and they are everywhere these terrible people who only think of themselves and like to be mean to people, they do not want the good of others, they like to decide and be humiliating.