Title: Devil's women
Size: 100 x 150 cm
Technique: Oil and acrylic on canvas
This self-portrait was taken over a long period of time. You can see it on it, the layers of paint create a texture in many places, but at least the canvas is more like my skin and soul - a lot of scars, imperfections, physical details that I try to cover or mental traces that I try to ignore or forget. Painting was a long-term process due to the ambiguity of my own visual identity. I'm different in different photos, also in the mirror. The picture has been repainted many times (today I look different, in this light something else is true, this one looks too good, they'll think I think too much of myself, or vice versa - this is too terrible..) Anyway, why I care about opinions of others? Just as there are different versions of myself in my mind, so there are different versions of me in the minds of people I meet for different reasons. Even if I repainted the picture a thousand times, I would not be satisfied, because, I am afraid, I will never be satisfied with myself. „You gained weight, are you pregnant? / You lose weight, what a pity, your boobs are smaller.“ „Are you sick? You are terribly pale! / You shouldn't sunbathing, it's not healthy for skin.“ „Ohh, you have grey hair! So early?! / Wow you dyed your hair? You'll damage it.“ „You shouldn't eat sweet, you know .. / Don't exaggerate, cake will not kill you.“
„I live in harmony with nature and I love animals! / What a stupid trend, not to eat meat, you need proteins!“ „Natural beauty is the best, everyone is beautiful in his own way! Anyway, beauty of soul is important. / Omg, at least put som make-up on your face, woman should care about her appearance. Always!“. But, my animals see the good in me. No matter how I feel and perceive myself, there is someone who will see the good. Unconditional love and mutual care. And they don't care what I look like. So, if you need it, feed your ego through judging me. Think whatever you want. Sincerely, fuck you.